Are introverts anxious? What class is like for me online.

Have you ever sat in class and prayed the teacher doesn’t call on you? Of course you have, we’ve all done that at some point in our careers. You zone out for a second and don’t hear the question, or don't know the answer because you don’t know what you don’t know, or are just afraid of being wrong. Happens all the time. Been there, done that. But have you ever wished the teacher would call on you? Have you ever thought “please force me to speak because I want to talk, but for some reason I feel panicked to volunteer myself”? I have.

I have no expertise in psychology so if I say sometimes I feel anxious, that is not me self diagnosing myself for anxiety, nor does it mean you have anxiety if you relate to anything I’m about to say. To add, anxiety and introversion are two separate concepts. You can be introverted and not have anxiety, and you can have anxiety and be an extrovert or ambiverts. Though I will say anxiety is more common in introverts, and it can be hard to notice as introverts sometimes appear arrogant or aloof. Here is a quick and easy article about anxious introverts if you are interested in looking deeper, but I’m going to move on to some personal experiences. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-secret-lives-introverts/201805/15-signs-anxious-introvert

Remember my last post about how business networking events can be intimidating? There’s that pressure to succeed and a nervousness to put yourself out there. Well sometimes I feel the same way in my college classes. I feel overwhelmed at the idea of speaking up even when I know the answer. It’s hard to explain, but I’m going to do my best. As an example, in my marketing class last year we frequently reviewed a lot of commercials and campaigns. My professor would always proceed to ask the class their opinions and interpretations of the ads. I usually had a few thoughts, but it felt like pulling teeth every time I pushed myself to answer out loud. It wasn’t I feared I was wrong, or hated sharing my thoughts. Actually, I really wanted to answer so I could voice my ideas. I don’t really know what was wrong, but my heart rate would pick up, and my chest would slightly tighten. And this was before I even raised my hand. It almost felt like my body was tensing up in preparation for some sort of impact. Then when I do talk my words come rushing out as if trying to get out of the spotlight as fast as possible.

I’ve always been a little awkward/clumsy and have never liked the feeling of several eyes and ears focusing on me. To avoid it, I typically try to sit in the front two rows of the classroom, so that way when I speak I can’t see anyone looking at me. It also physically puts me closer to the professor making it easier to talk to them, and me feel more comfortable and confident around them. To add, I like when there are people sitting next to me to share some of the attention as well as to turn to for a question. Sometimes professors go fast, and rather than ask the professor and the whole class to wait for me, it's quicker and easier to simply ask the person next to me. However none of this is possible in the online classroom setting. Online everyone can see everyone all the time, unless they are on speaker mode but you don’t know who is or isn’t. I can’t talk to the person next to me or know if my professor is looking at me or just looking at the camera. And the worst part is you can’t really raise your hand online. The professor asks a question, and I’m stuck between pausing to let others speak first or rushing out my own answer. The worst is when no one goes to answer and I’m sitting there wondering if I should speak, but feeling anxious to make myself. And then time is running out and the teacher says “no one has anything to say?” And I’m thinking I should just speak, but at this point I’m not sure if I waited too long, and wish the professor would just call on me or move on now.

Looking back this sounds super dramatic. Probably because right now I am very relaxed and calm. The idea I can’t “just talk normally” seems silly. It’s hard to remember exactly how I feel when I’m not in the situation, but when I am it’s really not a fun time. Fortunately it’s not always this bad or in every class and session. It usually depends how confident I am in the class, how I feel about the professor, and what type of answer it is. To explain, there is a big difference for me in volunteering to say “the answer is B,” versus having to say a few sentences of my interpretation. Especially online where sometimes your voice cuts out and the teacher asks you to please repeat the whole thing. However, I recognize I cannot use my nervousness and introversion as an excuse to get out of class participation no matter what setting it is in. The transition online has been rough for me, but I know it has been rough for everyone. If anything, I should take it as an opportunity to push myself out of my comfort zone and be a little more extroverted.

Before I sign off I just want to give a big shout out of thanks to all the people who have been keeping up with my posts! I appreciate you and hope my blog has brought you some answers and insights. Again please reach out to me, via the comment section or my social media links on the homepage, if you have any questions or would like to share your own stories with me. I’m not an expert, but I’m always down to listen and help out in any way I can. :)