How to Build Personal and Business Relationships When You’re an Introvert

Networking is essential to business, especially with the rise to social media, and has many benefits, but for some it can be a difficult and anxious task. How can you overcome this?

I want to quickly go over some characteristics of people who are more introverted. I realized I did not explain it well, and there is still a little confusion. Some common misconceptions are, introverts are shy, dislike and/or are afraid of people. This is not the case. Shy people usually want to socialize, but are scared because they are very self conscious and fear rejection. Whereas introverts are asocial by choice. Some introverts get anxious, but most are fine to socialize; and just would rather be alone. Why? Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist who founded analytical psychology, described introversion as “an inwards orientation to one’s own mental life.” Meaning self reflection and deep thinking gives them energy. Often they’re accused of being aloof or zoning out because their minds are curious and frequently wander. It’s not to say introverts don’t enjoy social interactions or dislike people. Everyone likes being with friends. Introverts just have fewer of them because they value deeper meaningful connections, and closer relationships that take time to form.

To add, studies have shown introverts react differently to stimuli; which helps explain why extroverts get excited and energized by social events but introverts are drained by them. To elaborate, introverts have higher levels of cortical arousal- as in their brains are overstimulated- and higher heart rates. Because they are so responsive to internal stimuli, loud noises and big parties can be overwhelming and tiering. Everyone needs alone time, days to just sit in, order pizza, and watch a movie with a couple best friends. Introverts simply need nights like these more often and prefer them. There are some sources at the bottom if you’d like to read more about it; which I strongly encourage!

Now let's go back to building relationships. As previously mentioned, introverts are actually great at having high quality friendships. Why should business relationships be any different? It almost seems like introverts have an advantage here. Maybe, but you see building and solidifying something is relatively easy once you’ve made a strong foundation. It’s starting where I find the most difficulty. Think for instance of a puzzle. What’s the first thing you do? You search for the four corner pieces then find all the edged ones right? This part is a little annoying and can take a while because you have to search through all the other pieces to separate and collect them, and then figure out where each edge piece goes. Once you’ve finished the outline though, putting the rest of the puzzle together is easier and more relaxing. My approach to relationships is very similar to making a puzzle. So how do you begin?

What is the corner piece to a relationship? Well think back to someone you befriended recently. How did the conversation start? What did you talk about? The last time a person tried to befriend me was a week ago. Someone in my apartment complex just started talking to me out of nowhere telling me about their life and asking me a bunch of questions. It’s awkward when you respond to someone out of politeness and they don’t realize it’s just that. This person proceeded to ask for my snapchat and if I wanted to hangout tomorrow. It was very uncomfortable. If there is anything I don’t like it’s direct confrontation and having to reject someone outright. If you are, or know, an introvert you know we tend to be very passive and close up a lot. I’m an easygoing person, but I wanted to move just to avoid them forever. Maybe that’s dramatic but think of a sales person. You know when you walk in a store and you immediately hear “hello, welcome! Is there anything we can help you find?” I literally just walked in and you’re already trying to sell me something. Because this is so annoying to me I feel bad walking up to other people and forcing conversation on them. Not to mention it can be intimidating, specifically business networking events. It's already awkward going up to talk to someone you don't know. Introducing yourself to a professional with more experience than you is very nervous making. What do you say to someone you know nothing about, and how do you say it? Maybe don't say anything.

I don't mean run away or don't talk to anyone. But there is nothing wrong in taking time to survey the people around you. Maybe you observe someone wearing a certain brand, or notice the way they don't smile at the person they're currently talking to. I have listed another great source at the end of this post displaying some helpful tips for introverts trying to network. They have also included observing first as a step. A lot of times such events put pressure on people to get as many connections as they can. I feel that is unwise, for introverts anyway. It's better to take your time with one or two people, make a few mental notes about them, then make a move to converse. Try to sense their mood or what they're thinking. That way when you do start talking you have somewhat of an impression of what they are like. Another thing introverts are good at that, that will help is listening. Sometimes it feels like if you don't speak out no one will notice you, but that's not necessarily true. People appreciate a good listener. So listen and your natural curiosity will push you to ask genuine questions. Before you know it you've been talking for fifteen minutes without needing to say much. When the conversation comes to a close you'll be decently familiar with each other and it won't be weird to ask for their LinkedIn or give them yours. It will also be good to have a strong connection with a few people rather than short conversations with twenty people. This way you can both remember each other and what you talked about.

Once you have connected with professionals on social medias and or exchanged emails it will be easier to continue growing the relationship. Technology is an introvert's best friend. Take advantage of it! Where extroverts are good at relaying out loud the thoughts in their head, introverted people struggle to speak on demand. It will be to your advantage to write them an email or share messages/posts on social media. It will allow all the time and comfort you need to craft your thoughts out clearly and make you feel more confident.

Lastly, I do want to say though there are ways for introverts to make friends without too much speaking, it's still in your best interest to push yourself out of your comfort zone now and then. You don't need to be the friendliest or most talkative person in the room, but don't limit yourself to someone you deem "safe to talk to." There is always something to learn when you meet new people. Pushing yourself to be a little more social will make you a better networker and help your relationships flourish in the short and long run.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/introversion

https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-an-introvert#Personality-traits-of-an-introvert-

https://www.today.com/health/are-you-really-introvert-3-surprising-ways-tell-t59871

https://www.forbes.com/sites/theyec/2018/07/02/seven-ways-to-build-meaningful-business-relationships-when-shy/#5441a1294212